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Entry tags:
obligitory emo journal
I dont think I have ever felt this detatched from the majority my friends in a long time.
People I was close to seem to only talk to me because they are obliged to, and treat it like a chore rather than because they want to actually talk to me. Am I the only one who thinks this is upsetting? This is probably being my brain being all paranoid and schitzo, but ngh, I don't know. I've lost so many close friends in the past couple of weeks, and I really dont like it. Never have.
Fuck why does this always happen to me?
The fact that I am moving away for university too, meaning I will be cut off from everyone who I can visit will make it 10 times worse. I have to see them at least once a month. And on a student budget, thats really not happening. Nrh. If I wasn't so.. needy, this wouldn't be a problem.
I think the realisation that I probably will never get to meet any of the people I care about stateside is finally hitting me. I can't go over, I'm poor, I have no money. I really want to go, but if I do I wont be able to put down a deposit on my dorms, get internet acess, actually eat and shit. it was such a pipedream. I really wanted it to work. But hey, nothing ever turns out for the best for me.
Nrhhh. I should just go back to bed. But then again, been doing that for the past four days, and nothing is helping.
People I was close to seem to only talk to me because they are obliged to, and treat it like a chore rather than because they want to actually talk to me. Am I the only one who thinks this is upsetting? This is probably being my brain being all paranoid and schitzo, but ngh, I don't know. I've lost so many close friends in the past couple of weeks, and I really dont like it. Never have.
Fuck why does this always happen to me?
The fact that I am moving away for university too, meaning I will be cut off from everyone who I can visit will make it 10 times worse. I have to see them at least once a month. And on a student budget, thats really not happening. Nrh. If I wasn't so.. needy, this wouldn't be a problem.
I think the realisation that I probably will never get to meet any of the people I care about stateside is finally hitting me. I can't go over, I'm poor, I have no money. I really want to go, but if I do I wont be able to put down a deposit on my dorms, get internet acess, actually eat and shit. it was such a pipedream. I really wanted it to work. But hey, nothing ever turns out for the best for me.
Nrhhh. I should just go back to bed. But then again, been doing that for the past four days, and nothing is helping.
no subject
If I ever feel obligated to talk to someone, I don't. Plain and simple. I can't even talk to people I want to talk to out of a fear that I'm bothering them or they don't like me anymore, so I certainly wouldn't be able to manage if I had no self-interest in it. I know we don't talk much - and that's my fault for being a coward - but I still consider you a really good friend and love you and want to talk to you just as much as my other friend.